23 (and Me)

Monday, August 20, 2018

I know I am a self-proclaimed lover of Christmas, so much that it’s the time of the year where I truly thrive. Before I decide to cover everything in Christmas lights, my birthday comes first where I love to low key tell everyone I know that my birthday’s coming up. I do it to my mom every year and she almost always replies, “Yes Hannah, I know.” Sometimes I forget she was there...Anyways, I love my birthday! When else can you celebrate yourself and only yourself and have no one else judge you for being so narcissistic? That’s what I thought. Every year I always mull over what happened before entering another one. The things I seem to keep up are my abilities to be very dramatic and maintain my coffee drinking habit. Don’t worry though, I got other things done this year. 

I really just wanted to share how I felt being 23 compared to anything before and the unknown of 24 and beyond (gross). 23 wasn’t a total party….it was more like I’m trying to get to the party but I have eighty things to do before I get there. Are we excited about being 24 now? No, but I’ll probably never be happy about getting old(er). Let me live with my pessimistic, angsty 20 something attitude for now. 

One of my favorite things that’s happened in my year of being 23 *insert game show hand motion here* was finally going to London. A whole week before Christmas, I went to London with my best friend after many years of wishing and planning. We covered almost all of the city in a little over a week but I still managed to eat some of the best food in my life. I took in all the Christmas lights that even Clark Griswold would be amazed. But there was something else in the beauty of London, I felt settled and like I’d been there before. It’ll be one of my favorite cities forever and I hope my savings account will be stable enough one day to go back. 

I wish I could be noble or whatever here and say that I challenged myself by juggling two jobs while going back to school but bruh, I almost died in September last year. Not literally, it’s just me being dramatic. I got a second job just to make sure I had more days working than days off. *cues Money, Money, Money by ABBA* I wish I could laugh this part off, but I’m not. It blows that money controls everything but we’re trying our best out here! Luckily I love my jobs too, especially since I moved out of the makeup world to skincare at Sephora. Everyone’s told me how much they think I thrive with skincare and well, they’re right. If you couldn’t tell, I love skincare. I’ve learned so much and I just want to keep absorbing more like some mighty sponge of skincare. At Madewell, I’ve made some incredible friends, connected with some great women, upped my denim collection, AND forced myself to wear something other than black! However, we still stan black jeans every day.

With the big two (school and work),  I still floundered around hopelessly like the sad, lost 20-something millennial I am. I went through several periods where I kept thinking ‘is it normal to feel this lost??’ when I had things working for me! I felt insecure for the first time in years. A self confidence I worked so hard on (like how the Egyptians built the Pyramids with no cranes) and suddenly it was unstable as a bridge built out of Legos. I was insecure with my body image, personality, and even my friendships. I’m lucky to call some of the women in my life friends, but I kept having this nagging in my brain that made me rethink my friendships for days. This anxiety didn’t force me to ruin friendships, but it made me second guess communicating here and there. But after some professional help, I realized that this was a bump in the road. This bump could have been caused by some mild depression and that’s okay. Today, I feel so much better about where I am with myself and I hope the rest of this year, I can better myself inside and out. 

What else did I do while being 23? I went to Nashville for the first time to see what all the fuss was about. I had a fab time and got to see one of my campers that I haven’t seen in two years. We even saw Niall Horan in concert for a second time. Last fall, I saw Niall for the first time since going solo and I almost died from how talented my son (not literally) is on his own. We’re still bumping Slow Hands a year later!! I celebrated my summer camp’s Centennial summer and even put my time in to the usual crazy-filled 10 day session in the beginning of August. I visited at one point in June to visit some of my favorite campers (no names please, hehe) and it was the best time. 

Okay, sappiness over but it’s my birthday which means I can talk all about myself and no one can complain! Here’s to another year of being a 20-something! I’m sure I’ll still have many crises, dramatic spells, drinking even more coffee, and whatever else! 

Now time to start planning my Christmas blog posts (jokes)

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